Contrary to popular belief, this trip was not -solely- to visit four Spaghetti Factories. Yes, that happened, but it wasn't the -only- reason for going. There's 1,700 miles more on my car, the fudge, taffy, strawberries, lemons, and jerkied beef are long gone, and I've finally managed to post pictures and video. That's why you're here, right? (skip to the end of the drivel for direct links!)
That astounding amount of mileage doesn't even include distances accrued on foot while hiking in Yosemite or running on the beach (trying to get an LED-equipped kite in the air), on boat under the Golden Gate Bridge and around Alcatraz, on buses, in taxis, and $23 worth of BART (including a trek to Concord via the trans-bay tube for one of said OSF dinners).
The two week trip had sleep stops in:
- Keene (outside of Tehachapi, on the way to Bakersfield)
- Reno
- Truckee
- Millbrae (I refuse to pay to park in San Francisco)
- Monterey
- Arroyo Grande (outside of Pismo Beach)
The next day my aunt, in fact, had NOT been drinking. She had not checked her anus either.
We can now locate the North Star, after our eyes adjust. Not every night do two falling stars happen back-to-back, though.
One of Mary Ann's fists is different than the other.
The sickest of sex offenders is a narco-necro.
You can pronounce the word 'measure' like, "Meh... SURE!"
The Park Service re-stripes lines on the road immediately after someone writes on them.
Strobing multi-colored LED keychain lights make for a wonderful party (or 'discoshits' as it may be) in any National Park toilet.
Steep dropoffs on the side of the road are enough to startle Mary Ann. "Is that a l... oh ma le FUCK ME!"
If the Garmin NUVI has to fart, too, she talks fast.
A deer was nice enough to stand on the -other- side of the highway after Yosemite.
A world-record removal of dryer lint occurred in Reno. A stratified cat hair lasagna over an inch thick was pulled out. Perhaps this is the reason it takes your clothes so long to dry?
Contrary to popular believe, there is in fact -nothing- up with the clock in Truckee.
There were exactly two strawberry-glazed donuts at Happy Donut in San Francisco--a sign from heaven?
If the lady in Chinatown would have just looked up, she would have seen her ride drive by (not six times).
My LOP? About an inch and a half. Why? Jeez.
If I'm looking at more than four pieces of a blanket, I'm probably in someone's p-words.
The whole thing about Prop 8 is BULLSHEET. No, I don't know which side he was for. Or against.
Overheard in San Francisco, one man to another, "I swear to God, man, have you ever been to San Quentin?"
Sliding along the side of someone's car when they are proceeding illegally at a red light is not necessarily enough to draw the ire of the San Francisco Police Department.
The Wisconsin Peace Accord helped avert a major crisis between Siberia and the Garden of Eden. All over the sharing of a meatball.
The wax bottles with liquid inside at candy stores are just gay. Because you can't eat the bottles.
Shoulder-level escapades in the ocean are ten times worse than crotch-level water escapades.
If you're standing in the bath washing the sand off your feet, pulling the shower knob will -indeed- redirect the water flow onto your fully clothed person.
It is unknown as to whether or not the large flat-panel HDTV in the hotel room in Monterey Worked. What -is- known is that the iPod-dock alarm clock radio is LOUD. What?
Mary Ann can navigate better than Nuvi in Monterey. She has sacrifice towers for reference.
DO NOT FUCK with the vicious fat squirrels near Big Sur.
There really are rules for Parker Brother's Booby-Trap (circa 1965). Also, much fun was had puttin' our pennies on a Mexican Train. There was some Sequence and Gin played--but Connect Four stayed in the cabinet, at everyone's request (except mine).
The three cute bunnies chasing eachother around in the garden beyond the back patio are not just romping. Unless romping ends in a 'bunnage-a-trois'. This always makes dinner more interesting.
McDonald's $1 sundaes are no longer $1. The extra 8 cents Mary Ann forked over almost started a war.
Grandpa is fine. That much wine will do that to anyone.
Enough drivel.
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