Der Weinerschnitzel: By no means the worst offender, but they happen to be among the most recent. (sidenote: I'd like to see a replay of the staff meeting where they decided to drop the Der)... After being told an incorrect total for my meal, I simply stated, "No." to the worker behind the counter. Her first language was not English, and among her first two languages was not Math. Discussing this would be fruitless, so I hoped that she'd just grab a manager. She urged me that the total was correct and I said no again, and refused to hand over my money--in fact, I had the correct amount of money in my hands, which would not have covered the total she purported. A bit of manager intervention, and amazingly, the total became correct--I handed the money over, and that was that. I honestly think that she didn't even have anyone spit in my food either. Now, here's the fun part:
That's the sign in the window--I spied it as I got back into my car. Firstly, the idea of Weinerschnitzel for breakfast does NOT sound appealing in the slightest. Secondly, I hate to think of the number of employees that would have to be around for the breakfast shift for, what--two orders at most? Third--read the fineprint under the sign: "...served until 10:30 a.m. / full menu available all day" Do you understand the problem? They contradict themselves right there. If the full menu IS available all day, I should be able to order breakfast all day--otherwise just what the hell do they imply by Full Menu?
Subway: I always hated the fact that when I was in high school two six-inch 'cold cut combo' sandwiches cost LESS than one foot-long 'cold cut combo' sandwich--even though the amount of material (yes, just a trivial amount of paper) was greater, along with the work. "Can I get two six-inch cold cut combos?" "Do you want a footlong?" "No, it costs more than two six-inchers." The dismay that I saw at every Subway I went to (including out-of-state locations) was dumbfounding. Yeah, I know, it was only pennies (2 x $1.99 is only slightly less than 1 x $3.99, by a penny in fact) but it still cheesed my weasel. Provalone cheesed my weasel, in fact.
Wonder Burger: I am not sure if that's the exact name--they're no longer in business. They have been replaced by an equally generically named joint, still on the southeast corner of Trop and Eastern. I was intrigued by the menu item 'Mega Monster Burger'. Me, being a monster, was delighted at the fact that there was a menu item just for me. What worried me was the use of the term 'Mega'. Mega implies one million. It should have been one million times something, or at least so gargantuan that I shouldn't have been able to eat it. At over $8, I was expecting something that would kill me (on the spot, not in several decades via my clogged arteries). My banter with the owner stated that the math term was probably a bit inappropriate, but I was willing to turn a (fat) cheek--if indeed this was a monster burger. To her astonished dismay, I said, "If I can eat this all in one sitting, I will NEVER come back." I'm pretty sure that brought some relief--the chance that I wouldn't be back, but she assured me it was a big burger. Right. It was only two 1/2 pounders in one bun. It was good, but gone in under 15 minutes. I didn't, and won't, return.
Red Robin: In an opt-in spam I received (yes, I suppose the term morbidly obese floats around in your mind when you keenly notice that I'm subscribed to a burger-joint's email listserv), was the following blurb: New Mo-Cheese-Mo Cheeseburger -- Cheese to the 4th power. Right. Red Robin, famous for bottomless baskets of fries, was now in the business of selling higher-order cheeseburgers. It's funny, because Elise and I had been there several days prior to the email, and I'd seen a picture of it. I'd always been under the impression that it'd be quite difficult, if not impossible, to convey dimensions past the 3rd. I logged onto the corporate website and let them know this--I'm sure I won't hear back. I suggested they should say 4x the cheese (it's just a friggin' cheeseburger with 4 different kinds of cheese, 1 slice of each). I also went on to mention that burgers and math don't mix--if they wanted proof they could see the (shudder) Math Department BBQ pictures.
I'm pretty sure there will be more to report if I make the mistake of continuing this so-called life.
UPDATE!! Red Robin emailed me! What sports!
Hi Scott,
Thank you for your comment regarding the mathematical impossibility of our ‘Cheese to the 4th Power’ Mo-Cheese-Mo Cheeseburger. Our marketing team here got quite a kick out of it!
One of our core values at Red Robin is having fun and we are happy that you had fun with our eClub postcard, although I must admit that it was unintentional on our part. We will work to consider the mathematical feasibility of our promotional materials moving forward, and will strive to accurately convey our menu items to our more mathematically-minded Guests.
Thank you again for having a great sense of humor, as we here at Red Robin always strive to.
Have a great day!
Kirsten Roesch
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